Everyone knows men are from mars and women are from some super crazy planet (I will give 'em that their planet co'ordinates and smells way better than ours) so it goes without saying (though I'm about to) mommies and daddies are different, too!
I think its my duty (plus I'm totes bored) to point out these differences and show how, umm, not wrong, but (lets say) non-correct mommy's habits, policies and core values so are.
1. ok, here's one, when given the chance, for any reason at all, to not be around his child (and i'm talking about going to the store or staying home to catch a nap, and I'm not talking about going on a weekend bender or a quick (extended) trip to mexico) daddy will take that opportunity. He'll ask if his spouse is "sure" but he will not wait for a response before he's out the door. Mommy on the other hand will hum and haw before accepting the offer, then quickly retracting that acceptance, followed by many minutes of tears and holding her child tightly to her bossom, spouting promises of never, ever leaving him/her ever again. non-correct mommy!
2. Mommies read everything. They have all the baby books and sign up online for newsletters, podcasts and forums and talk to all their girlfriends about babies. Daddies will skim as many as two (as few as zero) of the books looking for pictures of boobs and gross tidbits about placenta's and new words for poop. As far as discussion of the impending or landed child, with friends, there is none. Pleasantries may be exchanged, along with stories about poop, but that is all.
3. Daddies take pictures of baby holding a beer. Mommies tell Daddy to put down the beer when she's taking a picture of him holding baby.
4. Mommies are always nurturing and loving towards their precious little bundle of joy. Daddies will take advantage of how unaware a newborn really is. Daddy knows he can call his daughter pizza face when she starts getting baby acne because he knows she's to young to understand words and is unable to develop a complex. When she begins looking like a campbell soup baby, daddy will also wear a t-shirt stating his uninclusiveness of fat chicks and force mommy to take pictures of him holding his darling (not so) lil' girl, while wearing said shirt.
5. Mommies hold baby close and gently rock her/him to sleep. Daddies will a. swing baby around the living room while listening to records. b. hum 'hammer time' and make baby do the hammer dance on the kitchen island. c. realize the kitchen island is kinda dusty and use babies bum as a dust clothe. d. hum 'eye of the tiger' and recreate the famous 'Rocky' montage, using mommies left boob as baby Rocky's punching bag (I was gonna say, as a stand in for one of those slabs of meat, in that freezer room, Rocky uses for a punching bag, but I didnt think mommy would enjoy others getting that mental picture. Yeah, that one, the one you just got. Oops!)
e. let her/him lay there and cry it out, cuz I've fucken tried everything
So, theres a few of the differences that make us all so unique and mommies so silly! Enjoy and please, please dont show this to mommy
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