Babyfartz

this is a really cool review I found in the Georgia Straight for this neat-o, newly concieved band 'Babyfartz':

Honesty. That is the first thing that comes to mind when you first hear 'Babyfartz' debut album 'brest/fed/def/lep'. Honesty is not a word usually used in reference to a glam or mullet rock record, but in this case, how couldnt it be? These rockers dont know how to be anything but honest, not that they know what that word means, or what any word means for that matter! You see 'BabyFartz' members are all... babies!*

(*except Poison bassist Bobby Dall, who plays lead back-up acoustic tamborine)

Lets start by going thru the lineup, who's combined age, by the way, is a meager 13 months:















P. N. Poop'd is the glammed out lead bassist (his rude attitude (or ruditude (actually, sorry, it is rude attitude, the other one's not actually a real word)) and sweet make-up skills, makes all the ladies wet their nappies)











Taking lead on vocals is G. G. Gummerzz (he's the bad boy who's 'bark' is worse than his 'bite' because his 'teeth' havent come in yet)










'N Utero is their yet to be born, Danish drummer (both parents are from Newark, N.J., but, as ultrasounds have shown, his kit's got double kicks, so he must be a Dane) (p.s. I cant believe they are the first to do this, the womb has such sweet acoustics)

and this fat drunk dude in a diaper on lead guitar (He's fat. He's drunk.Wears a diaper. Plays lead guitar. 'Nuff said!)

So, ok, they got the look, but what do they sound like? Hmmm, perhaps like awesome dressed up in a dirty diaper! (by which I mean: happy gurgling sounds set to muzak versions of your favorite eighties hair ballads!) Right out of the 'box' (pun intended: 'box' is code for the female 'vagina'. Cuz its where babies come from? Get it? Oh, come on people, we all have one.) these 1 to 6 monthers knock it out of the 'park' (pun intended: 'park' is code for the act of automobile related coitus (how most of the members were concieved) and is also the leading cause of fame among those 16 and pregnant (sloots) a la Dr. Drew) with the raunchy 'phhhhhhglllrrrrphhzzzz' which contains all the saucy, none of the vowels. Follow that with 'Pour Some Talcum on Me' and a cover of Dream Theater's 'Forsaken' and you see why 'Rolling Stone' calls these infants the 'The Rolling Stones' on exactly the same amount baby aspirin but less diapers.

In fact, any of the 26 songs on this 5 disc album could be massive hits, (except 'Poops, I Did It Again (I Pooped)' which is just plain vulgar) that is, if: A. This thing actually existed and B. Eighties Baby Metal was still in vogue! I guess these guys were just born in the wrong decade. Still, for me, these crying babies kick all the whiny crybaby top 40 bands out of the childrens pool (not literally, tho, the chlorine burns their eyes). If these kids are the future, the future is loud!

and dont forget the honesty! (why wont anyone think of the honesty!!?)