deliverance

so, like all those readers digest stories of survival, well you know the dude makes it cuz he's written the damn thing, this tale of daring do (done?) is the same. i got a baby in my hands rite now, so no need for nail biting, jus enjoy the journey. by friday march 25th, we(meaning marla) were 10 days overdone, it was time to take out the baby. in this way, i guess baby's are somewat like a turkey. nobody wants a dried out baby, they should be crispy and moisturized. unfortunately the hospital was completely full (thanks for nothing free healthcare) and chicks were bein forced to have their lil' chickadees in the neighboring chain coffee outlet (this could be from another story i mite of heard or wake dreamt due to lack of sleep) so we were told we werent important and to call back tomorrow (ok, i'll tell ya'll rite now that im in a very over dramaticky mood and in actuallity the staff at langley hospital couldnt have bin nicer. also id like to make a shout out to dr.mason and nurse liz and the blonde one, you were all so super) so, later on the next day, we got up at 6:30am and called the hospital at 7:00am and again were told that all the rooms were still being used (infact a couple babies were delivered in assesment rooms the nite before) but that they were evicting some moms later that day and we could come by around noon for the induction procedure. Of course we werent smart enough to nap between then and noon, not knowing what the hell we were gonna be in for. we arrived at noon and headed up to the third floor of langley memorial hospital, did our non-stress test, and got the gel. the first steps of inducement are goddamn boring. the non-stress takes atleast a half hour of baby momma lying on her back, which is followed by the gel (another hour on her back) and then a walk around the hospital for about another hour. The walked sucked because theres nothing really to see and marla made me take stairs. after the bullshittyness of stair climbing, we headed back to the assesment room and were told to hit the road and not to return til 7:15. We had a nice sushi lunch/dinner and then we went home, where marla napped and i tried to enjoy the last few fleeting hours of my freedom. i think i watched Much More Retro and cruised the internets for porn. (dear previous life, you rocked me and i miss you) before I could say " that midget doesnt look legal," it was time to head back to the hospital. During our lil' siesta, marla felt some mild contractions, but we thought they were jus da hicks. Our nurse at the time Jan, set us straight. these things were for realz. Unfortunately, marla's whoo-hoo was not yet at its ready position, so we were told to head home and wait it out a bit longer. Well, in the parking lot marla felt 3 more contractions, so we headed back in and were given our room. this was around 9:00pm and at 9:30pm (whilst i was grabbing our bags) her water busted. things progressed fairly quickly after that, the contractions were getting stronger and closer together, marla started sucking the gas and then fetinol was added later, but no need for an epidural. oh, here a list of comments marla was heard sassily remarking between contractions: - this is gonna be our only effing child - you could never effing do this - dont you effing touch me -is the room spinning? -you effing effing mother effing effing effing -im pretty sure the effing room is spinning there were a few scares along the way, the amniotic fluid had some coloring to it, meaning our baby had made a deuce, but the scary one was how her heart rate was dropping during contractions and taking too much time to return to normal (regular is as low as 120, and her lowest i noted at 67) so the doc thought perhaps the cord was around her neck. for most of the last few hours my eyes were on that number, suffering miniature heart attacks every contractraction. other than freaking out on the inside about heart rates, i was a fucking delivery room viking warrior (i think i may owe charlie sheen royalties for that sentence.oh yeah, whoever had line 53 for my first sheen reference, you are the winner of todays fake grandprize, which im too lazy to come up with. ok, how about a case of 'auntie gramma's swedish meatie-a-ball flavored lotionizer' (cuz auntie gramma knows nobody likes dry, flavorless balls) wow, shouldnt of even tried)i was right in the middle of all the super gross-out action. i fricken held her legs during the pushing portion, thats pretty bad ass. (marla did pretty swell herself) as it turns out, the cord wasnt around babies neck, her cord was jus a bit short (from marla's side of the family) and she came out perfect, crying right away. Makynlee Kimberly was born at 2:02am on march 27, 6lbs 12oz. pretty much im just so proud of marla and all the nurses and doctors that helped us out along our journey to baby, and now we've arrived here, i couldnt be happier or more tired.