Wait lets stop for a second and jump to the beginning: It was Thursday, October 21, the day of Ultra Sound (or in the parlance of no ones time, Super Noise). The day was going pretty good, half a day off work, with an afternoon of maybe seeing my girlfriend publicly urinate herself (non-preg'd girlfriend has the bladder of a pregnant lady, so yeah, I was pretty sure after a litre and a half of water she had about the same chance as a cheese grater of not peeing out said water and making me giggle with glee)
was gonna go with standard picture of a cheese grater but this seemed funnier at the time, then between the time of trying to and failing at making a joke about cheese grater tp (Betcha Elaine wouldnt want you to "spare a square" of this brand, huh? Wonder if the mess it would make to her "yadda yadda yadda" would be "sponge worthy") I became too lazy to change itThe plan was to leave my work and go pick up my gal at her work and head over to the clinic together. The only problem was: I was hungry. Which was easily solved by me buying a gas station hotdog. Or was it? Yes. I ate my hotdog in the parking lot of my gf's work, while I waited the five or so more minutes til she got off, hoping she had been able to hold her pee inside her self or if not, that one of her coworkers had at least caught the incident on their cell phone, like I had politely bbm'd them to. Thats when it dawned on me: This delicious tube shaped meat bi product I was stuffing into my salivating mouth, was more than likely gonna make me poop my own pants!
imagine this picture, happening inside my pants
It was the only conclusion I could possibly jump to. After gleefully counting down the days til the ultrasound (with the help of the spiderman advent calender from last year i found behind my bed. I jus counted up to 21 instead of the classic 25 and replaced the chocolate with mini shots of apple juice, to represent the pee) I knew my fate was sealed (also it felt like the hotdog had found a back road, maybe thru my spleen or my appendix, that bypassed my stomach and was resting ever so delicately, right on my sphincter). As the mother of my unborn child jumped into the truck, I played it cool, never letting on that at any moment my bowels could release, knowing in my heart, it was all her fault.
Arriving at the clinic, I made a quick surveylance of the land as my child bearer talked to the nurse behind the counter. And there it was, like a lake in the middle of a desert, a desert with no where to go #2 (if you wanna know what its like to wipe with a cactus jus refer to pic #1) and now I had a lake of my own to poop in. I found the washroom! But alas there was an alligator guarding the lake or phirana's maybe (I dont think i like this metaphor) the bathroom was locked! Ha-ha, but thats no problem, I'll jus grab the key, its over here, by my gal, who, umm, is about to say something, "it costs 12 bucks for a picture, you got cash?" Ummm, nope! I guess I'll run to a bank then, dear. Whats that? Dont be too long, we should be next?!! No prob, hun, I wont take but a jiff!
I knew she wanted me to mess myself! What kind of person would take joy in anothers.... oh!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(this concludes Part 1 of Part 2 of Super Noise Time! See y'all next when we finally find out who really shot JR (dont ruin it for me, I taped it a while back and jus havent gotten around to watching it, then when i was about to, i realised i didnt have a vcr anymore and then some friends came over and.....)
